K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
