don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
