i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
