I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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