I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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