His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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