I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
