Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
