I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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