I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
bring money and cleavage
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
