made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
