Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
