I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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