remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
