Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
