I'm lost and stupid without you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize