i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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