I wish my penis had an off switch
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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