Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
