im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
