I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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