Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
