There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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