I just pynch a tree in the face
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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