Will you blow on my dice?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
