Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can text with my tongue
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
