Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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