my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize