Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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