Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
