for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
