Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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