I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
