i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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