the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
