I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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