just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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