my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
