a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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