Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
