i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
