You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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