I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
