So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
