Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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