I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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