just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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