I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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