so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
