He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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