Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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