Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
