8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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