she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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