I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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