Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
