Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
