me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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