I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
