I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
