I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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