There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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