Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
