He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize