i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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