I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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