it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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