I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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