I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
