Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
