I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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